Most of us are familiar with Ann Coulter’s conservative
politics. She has held them for as long as I can remember.
I spend little time dwelling on what she or any left or
right leaning political figure writes.
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| A child plays soccer at a school field. Photo By Bill Norris, 2014. |
But after spotting headlines
about her latest column AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER,
I had to take notice and read the column. What ran through my mind was this:
“Say what now? Is she punking us?”
For those of you who haven’t seen it, Coulter’s latest
columns focuses on soccer, calling it a liberal, socialist sport that is
un-American and proof of the country's moral decay. And she attributes its
growing popularity to Ted Kennedy's permissive immigration laws.
Was this column tongue in cheek? Was it a slow week on
Capitol Hill? What is this?
Coulter begins the column by saying she had avoided writing
about soccer “so as not to offend anyone.” For those of you
familiar with her writing and the way she presents her opinions, I’ll let
that one sit so readers can digest that statement.
Sadly from there, the column goes loopy. The tone of the
article suggests it was written by someone with surface knowledge of sports. The entire piece is not well put
together. It becomes clear that while the World Cup inspired Coulter’s column,
she directs her mockery and disdain toward youth soccer and families who
indulge in such an “immoral” activity.
The column is also an
embarrassment in that it is heavily peppered by the kind of "’Murica Rules"
attitude that makes most Libs and Righties cringe.
She lists all that is
wrong with soccer in nine points.
1. Individual achievement is not
fostered. “Do they even have MVPs in soccer?” she asks.
2. Players with limited athletic talent
can play. “… girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the
kindergarten level,” she writes.
3. Scoreless ties are terrible.
4. There is minimal risk of personal
injury/humiliation; therefore it is not a sport.
5. You can’t use your hands.
6. Too many people on the left are
shoving the sport down our collective throats.
7. “It's foreign” … Black people don’t
like it.
8. It’s too much like the metric
system, which Liberals adore. That’s the first I’ve heard of this.
9. “Soccer is not ‘catching on.’”
Somewhere in that column, there has to
be a level of personal impact for readers. It can’t just be silly, whiny, “I’m-a-red-blooded-American;
Soccer’s booooring!!”
For writers and pundits, there is a lot
to work with when it comes to soccer -- as there is with other sports. (About
them concussions Mr. Goodell…)
How about looking at the level of
poverty that Brazilians face everyday? Now most of them can huddle in the
shadow of these massive multi-million dollar soccer stadiums, some which might
never be used again.
How about questioning our collective and
continued support of FIFA, the sport's national governing body, which is caught
in scandal after scandal?
How absurd is it that this column argues
with headlines and asserts that team sports discourage individual achievement?
I was stunned at how easy it was to
deduce from the piece that sports involving women are not real. For an
accomplished woman, a mover and shaker whose own life defies the traditional
female role, even the implication is at best hypocritical. On a personal note,
I find it a betrayal.
How we all wish Coulter was correct that
soccer players do not face the same risk of injury. Youtube is laden with video
of gruesome soccer injuries. I prefer the heroic video of Georgian soccer
midfielder Jaba Kankava saving Ukranian midfielder Oleg Gusev’s life after the
Ukranian was knocked unconscious and nearly swallowed his tongue.
(And personal aside, I’m sure my
husband is grateful for the surgery scar that he totally didn’t get after
tearing his ACL while playing soccer.)
Coulter writes that the action on the soccer
pitch is overshadowed by the hard hits of football, hockey fights (a total
of nine in the two months of the 2014 postseason,) the personal disgrace possible
in baseball and basketball. “After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon
and a juice box,” she wrote.
So we’re not talking about professional
World Cup soccer. OK, we’re talking primarily about youth soccer. Just FYI,
fighting is not allowed in youth hockey. I know. My son is in youth hockey. And
as far as I know, youth football players are not 300 pounds as she notes in
point No. 3.
I am also concerned by the fact that
the column seems to rely on a glib comment that African-American’s are not
impressed by the sport rather than looking up hard numbers. So let me be of
help. The numbers of black players is low and that might be hurting us,
according to the Washington Post.
On a side note, my favorite African-American
black player happens to be Cobi Jones.
My favorite all time black player? Pele.
That it’s shoved down our throats? How?
If you see World Cup coverage everywhere, that’s an effect of an all too
American free market trying to squeeze every penny out of the event. And the
sports media does what it does -- following the big events like a heard of
cattle. They jump on curling when the Winter Olympics roll around.
As to the comparison to the metric
system, that’s just too silly to respond to.
As to not using your hands, hockey is
similar in this. A hand pass is a foul. And by the way, Ann needs to remember
to thank the socialists in Canada for that sport.
I will grant her the scoreless tie took
some time to get used to. They happen. As a result World Cups group standings rely on goal differentials that entail the use of math.
I’ve never seen Coulter do math, but I have to wonder if it’s another eye-roll
inducing activity for her.
Like it or not,
futbol has become a sport for soccer moms AND soccer dads because of its
accessibility for the kids. Honestly all you need is a patch of land and a
ball. Trash cans and, in a pinch, sweatshirts or any article of clothing, can
mark off the “goal posts.”
You can play on dirt or grass. If
you’re brave, you can play on concrete. Like many youth sports, you can
improvise (ie. stick ball, whiffle ball, street hockey, or the game of Horse.)
All said, I say my search for the punchline in Coulter’s column is a fair thing to do. This cannot be a serious column.
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