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Friday, June 27, 2014

Soccer Un-American? Is Ann Coulter Punking Us?

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Most of us are familiar with Ann Coulter’s conservative politics. She has held them for as long as I can remember.

I spend little time dwelling on what she or any left or right leaning political figure writes.

A child plays soccer at a school field. Photo By Bill Norris, 2014.
But after spotting headlines about her latest column AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER, I had to take notice and read the column. What ran through my mind was this:

“Say what now? Is she punking us?”

For those of you who haven’t seen it, Coulter’s latest columns focuses on soccer, calling it a liberal, socialist sport that is un-American and proof of the country's moral decay. And she attributes its growing popularity to Ted Kennedy's permissive immigration laws.

Was this column tongue in cheek? Was it a slow week on Capitol Hill? What is this?

Coulter begins the column by saying she had avoided writing about soccer so as not to offend anyone.” For those of you familiar with her writing and the way she presents her opinions, I’ll let that one sit so readers can digest that statement.

Sadly from there, the column goes loopy. The tone of the article suggests it was written by someone with surface knowledge of sports. The entire piece is not well put together. It becomes clear that while the World Cup inspired Coulter’s column, she directs her mockery and disdain toward youth soccer and families who indulge in such an “immoral” activity.

The column is also an embarrassment in that it is heavily peppered by the kind of "’Murica Rules" attitude that makes most Libs and Righties cringe.

She lists all that is wrong with soccer in nine points.
1. Individual achievement is not fostered. “Do they even have MVPs in soccer?” she asks.
2. Players with limited athletic talent can play. “… girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level,” she writes.
3. Scoreless ties are terrible.
4. There is minimal risk of personal injury/humiliation; therefore it is not a sport.
5. You can’t use your hands.
6. Too many people on the left are shoving the sport down our collective throats.
7. “It's foreign” … Black people don’t like it.
8. It’s too much like the metric system, which Liberals adore. That’s the first I’ve heard of this.
9. “Soccer is not ‘catching on.’”

Somewhere in that column, there has to be a level of personal impact for readers. It can’t just be silly, whiny, “I’m-a-red-blooded-American; Soccer’s booooring!!”

For writers and pundits, there is a lot to work with when it comes to soccer -- as there is with other sports. (About them concussions Mr. Goodell…)

How about looking at the level of poverty that Brazilians face everyday? Now most of them can huddle in the shadow of these massive multi-million dollar soccer stadiums, some which might never be used again.

How about questioning our collective and continued support of FIFA, the sport's national governing body, which is caught in scandal after scandal?

How absurd is it that this column argues with headlines and asserts that team sports discourage individual achievement?

I was stunned at how easy it was to deduce from the piece that sports involving women are not real. For an accomplished woman, a mover and shaker whose own life defies the traditional female role, even the implication is at best hypocritical. On a personal note, I find it a betrayal.

How we all wish Coulter was correct that soccer players do not face the same risk of injury. Youtube is laden with video of gruesome soccer injuries. I prefer the heroic video of Georgian soccer midfielder Jaba Kankava saving Ukranian midfielder Oleg Gusev’s life after the Ukranian was knocked unconscious and nearly swallowed his tongue.

(And personal aside, I’m sure my husband is grateful for the surgery scar that he totally didn’t get after tearing his ACL while playing soccer.)

Coulter writes that the action on the soccer pitch is overshadowed by the hard hits of football, hockey fights (a total of nine in the two months of the 2014 postseason,) the personal disgrace possible in baseball and basketball. “After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box,” she wrote.

So we’re not talking about professional World Cup soccer. OK, we’re talking primarily about youth soccer. Just FYI, fighting is not allowed in youth hockey. I know. My son is in youth hockey. And as far as I know, youth football players are not 300 pounds as she notes in point No. 3.

I am also concerned by the fact that the column seems to rely on a glib comment that African-American’s are not impressed by the sport rather than looking up hard numbers. So let me be of help. The numbers of black players is low and that might be hurting us, according to the Washington Post.

On a side note, my favorite African-American black player happens to be Cobi Jones.  My favorite all time black player? Pele.

That it’s shoved down our throats? How? If you see World Cup coverage everywhere, that’s an effect of an all too American free market trying to squeeze every penny out of the event. And the sports media does what it does -- following the big events like a heard of cattle. They jump on curling when the Winter Olympics roll around.

As to the comparison to the metric system, that’s just too silly to respond to.

As to not using your hands, hockey is similar in this. A hand pass is a foul. And by the way, Ann needs to remember to thank the socialists in Canada for that sport.

I will grant her the scoreless tie took some time to get used to. They happen. As a result World Cups group standings rely on goal differentials that entail the use of math. I’ve never seen Coulter do math, but I have to wonder if it’s another eye-roll inducing activity for her.

Like it or not, futbol has become a sport for soccer moms AND soccer dads because of its accessibility for the kids. Honestly all you need is a patch of land and a ball. Trash cans and, in a pinch, sweatshirts or any article of clothing, can mark off the “goal posts.”

You can play on dirt or grass. If you’re brave, you can play on concrete. Like many youth sports, you can improvise (ie. stick ball, whiffle ball, street hockey, or the game of Horse.)

All said, I say my search for the punchline in Coulter’s column is a fair thing to do. This cannot be a serious column.

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