The Power of Pause

I want to thank all of you who read my last blog about diaphragmatic breathing. I definitely got a bump in readership because of it. I’m terrible at getting the word out about what I’m doing sometimes. It doesn’t help that I promised to write something weekly then realized too late that I had forgotten to put up a blog. Still, I’m earnest about this venture. I’ve been trying a number of things to help keep me centered and focused. When life “resumes” I have to be ready in some way. Some of us will have to hit the ground running while others will struggle to get back in the work race.

A big thank you to Liz, who pointed out a great connection in last week’s blog. In that one, we talked about breathing from the belly. She wrote:

“Yes, wind instrument players use diaphragmatic breath and this (is) a good explanation. It’s the basic yoga relaxation breath, basic Buddhist mindfulness breath. It is very effective. A terrific thing to do to wake yourself up, gently, or to help you get to sleep if you’re over-amped. Excellent for stress and anxiety management. Like any tool, you need to use it. And that in itself takes discipline, especially if your initial response to stress is anger (which used to be me).”

Anger was my response too. It is said that music is soothing, but performing may be even better. The breathing entailed seems similar. I’m no expert so I won’t expand on it other than to say that this makes sense to me.

Today's exercise

With that in mind, I wanted to share another tip toward controlling stress. This tip is called Power of Pause.

It is exactly what it sounds like. Simply put, this is the practice of taking a moment to pause and look at what might be happening to you at any given moment. I love this practice because it can be used at so many different times and for different levels of stress. Taught to me by Cal Poly Pomona Professor Alane Dougherty*, this is easy, but it does take some self-discipline. Here’s how to do it:

1) Stop. Whatever you’re reacting to, or whatever you might be doing that is making you feel stressed or overwhelmed, stop. As soon as you stop, lift your head and take a breath.

2) Become aware of what is happening to you. Become aware of your senses. Experience all of this without engaging or reacting to it.

3) Become fully aware at this moment. Be fully present at that moment. You might even ask yourself, "Am I upset? Why is it upsetting me?" DO NOT pass judgment on yourself or anyone else.

4) Finally, be aware of what this means to you and what that experience or those emotions are doing to you or for you. Does it present an opportunity for something, be it change, or for an opportunity to say something that might make a positive difference for you or someone?

This can be done within a few minutes. And it allows us to really understand what is happening around us and to us. A pause lets us connect and understand where we are and we can be clear about the risks or benefits of our choices.

I suspect we think we're doing this more often than we really are. The reality is different. Most of us react based on past experiences or because "that's just who we are." We're reaching for the familiar, no matter how destructive that reaction may be to others or ourselves. Sometimes we have knee-jerk reactions or swallowing our emotions at the moment. That often does not work. A pause is so essential. It gives us time to be fully present in the moment.

One day, while I worked in the cafeteria of our school, the noise level seemed to be at an all-time high. I remember feeling tired from being on my feet for hours. I remember just wishing for the work hours to pass so I could leave. But then it hit me that I would need to take a long drive to Pomona before I could get a moment to myself. For a brief second I felt the inner turmoil, the meek voice of the tired inner-child saying, "I just can't anymore," squaring off with the inner coach's voice yelling, "get in there and keep going!" I realized I needed a pause. I literally stopped for a second and looked around. I took in what was around me. There were children talking, laughing, wiping down tables. I heard laughter among the screaming and general silliness. I smiled at one youngster and all of a sudden I was feeling so much lighter emotionally.

There are so many things that tug at us on any given day. Some things are small, like the pressure of getting ready for the day, or finishing a project, or having to keep after our kids. And there are big things. This quarantine and the fact that many of us are facing joblessness are large things.

One thing is certain, we can make better choices when we’re present in the moment, and not lost in the chaos of our emotions.

Before I let you all go, I do want to thank you for spending time on this blog. I’m trying not to spend too much time waxing poetic. I’m one of those people who get tired of scrolling past sweet or funny quips just to get a casserole recipe. I pledge not to do too much of that.

To learn more about the Power of Pause, check out this video.

* - Dr. Alane Daugherty is a writer, speaker, and professor. Her Power of Pause instruction can be found in "From Mindfulness to Heartfulness; A Journey of Transformation through the Science of Embodiment."